I have been thinking a lot about the story we tell ourselves and that we can create our lives, and I say can because like anything in life it’s a choice we make; to stand up and say “I am going to take responsibility for my life and I am going to take back control of my life” or not. I have read so many stories and articles about how to do this and how we can create our dream life by Getting clear about what you want, letting go and allowing it to come to you. However, it occurred to me that one thing is often omitted and that is that our inner monologue must change! Our inner monologue is the story we tell ourselves each day it’s something that we define ourselves by, it becomes who we are. So if the thoughts we have become who we are, then why does it benefit us to try and change our negative thought patterns into more positive ones? As I said we have a choice to be who we want, after all, they’re just thoughts. Did you know we have somewhere between 50,000 – 70,000 thoughts per day so that’s roughly 35 -48 thoughts per minute. Now some of them will be conscious thoughts and some will be subconscious thoughts, whatever the thoughts are, that’s a lot of thoughts, and not so easy to keep track of them all. if our thought patterns or our beliefs include things like; “I’m not clever enough to do that!” “I am just not that kind of person,” “I come from a poor background,” “my family won’t approve of me if I do that!” Then this is only going to stop us from achieving what we want to become. I once had a great conversation with my CBT therapist about where these thoughts come from and of course I had to come to my own conclusion, so I concluded that most of these thoughts could possibly be traced back to one fear and that is “I am not good enough!” WOW!! What a statement to tell yourself, let’s say; 15 – 20 times per minute in one way or another. No wonder I didn’t want to get up in the morning what’s the point, with that going around in my head and then it reflecting back at me in everyone I meet and everything I see!
So is it possible to truly change these beliefs? If it is how do we change them? well of course there are many ways of doing this, one way is to spend some time trying to work out what these beliefs may be by trying to untangle the deep web of our complicated thought patterns, try and untangle all those things that we have thought over and over again until they are a complete distortion of what they once were. The question here is; do you really want to go back over them again? As you know by now this blog is about The Balance Procedure and my experiences, so how has it worked for me in this context? Well I have learned that to create what we want in life we have to change the story we have been telling ourselves, a good way to do this is meditation as it allows the thoughts to slow down, have you ever noticed that when your relaxed everything just flows like we are completely connected and when we rushing or frustrated nothing seems to go your way like the connection has broken? normally meditating is the best way to reconnect but unlike meditation using TBP is so quick, it takes a couple of moments to do and it’s like hitting the reset button at any point during the day resetting our connectedness, even when you’re in a meeting, it’s possible to just nip to the toilet and get balanced. The moment we intend to get ourselves into balance and use the cards to do this, we have effectively put the breaks on all those spiraling negative thoughts. We are then open to choose what thoughts we want to be having instead, creating what we want with very little effort. TBP has integrated into my life so easily that it’s the first thing I do if my ego pipes up with a negative thought, I grab my cards and give them quick shuffle (this brings up the card that will work with what is alive in me now) and balance. I have been working on my fear of poverty, not having, being or doing enough recently. I’ll tell you it’s a tenacious belief, but then I have been nursing it for 29 years (I’m pretty sure its inherited much like my fear of spiders) but as I work with it each day, the moment I feel my stomach begin to knot with that fear, I’m ready with my cards in hand. it’s starting to clear and become less prominent, I have even caught myself thinking “I’m totally good enough to do this!” I can tell you that caught me by surprise, it took me aback like being given an unexpected gift. I can also see how the negative comes back when I begin to move forward with something new, as I said its stubborn but I have made the decision that this is no longer the story I define myself by. It is NOT who I am. So I ask you what is the story you have told yourself, what is it that defines you? And then ask yourself ‘Is that who I want to be and do I want that to define who I will become?’
I knew if I allowed fear to overtake me my journey was doomed. Fear to a great extent is born of a story we tell ourselves, and so I chose to tell myself a different story from the one women are told. I decided I was safe. I was strong. I was brave. Nothing could vanquish me. – Cheryl Strayed